I went to my town's equality rally yesterday, but I only lasted 5 minutes without a growing sense of paranoia. It was very close by; I went home. Asbury is a town of great diversity but all the news media seems to have picked up is that one person in the crowd pepper sprayed another. I'm sure my takeaway would have been much better than that had I stayed.
I tend toward humor to mask & cope. I'm guilty of normalcy masquerading when possible. Well, I hope it appears to be normal. I've grown somewhat better at not reacting to certain things that used to crush/frighten/freak me. Eh, some things.
I stopped to reread & ponder that. Bad idea.
I don't want to turn this blog into And now, Mary will recite a litany of her schizophrenic problems & mishaps-- but I happen to be working with a broad array, most of which I'll save for my doctor. No need to thank me.
One of my schizophrenic friends (I have 2) is late-onset like me, & early married. I have known him & his wife only since moving to Asbury Park. I have particularly tried to be sensitive to the wife's feelings. He & I use Orwellian tragi-humor as a coping mechanism. I've grown to realize this upsets her when the 3 of us are together. I think maybe negative things actively discussed about or around schizophrenia upset her period because schizophrenia has ruined the life they built together-- but she'd never say that. In other ways I've noticed also, denial seems to be one of her coping mechanisms. She is a wonderful, compassionate person who supports her husband fully in every aspect of his life.
I'm the only fellow-schizophrenic he bothers with & while he's told me our relationship is of benefit to him, I'm wondering if I should bow out. I'm pretty sure I'm of no benefit to her. She's the person he's been married to for 30 years.
Rereading I think I just decided that this will be my last blog encounter. I was rightly talked into Facebook in April. I don't have it in me to keep too many avenues open at present. I've actually been printing some of your blog entries(I only have internet access at the library) to read at home. I know I will miss staying in touch through your postings, but this is probably a good decision for me overall.
I will miss you, too, but I fully support you doing what feels right for you. If you change your mind, you know where to find me!
ReplyDeletei will also miss reading you mary, however i get it, and appreciate all the support from you over the years.
ReplyDeletexxalainaxx
Well, you have to take care of yourself. Do what you must.
ReplyDeleteJust an echo here, of course you do what is best for you...but I will miss you. (look me up on fb? lol) However, pertaining to bowing out - while I completely see your point of view on this, remember that he may have need of a friend that doesn't deny. When my husband was diagnosed with his brain tumor - many of our friends/family did the "pretend it isn't real" thing after a bit. Having a friend or two that I could be totally honest with about how much it was out of my control/sucked/hurricane-life status was invaluable. Adore you so, Mary, take care...
ReplyDeleteYou were right. We've maintained contact, & his wife thinks it is beneficial as well.
DeleteComing to the library each day has been, in the main, very good for me. Incrementally, I've tried to expand my pretty limited horizons since moving to Asbury. I'm glad I seized some small opportunities, but my internal weather has been darker with perhaps too much expansion for my condition. I've had to ratchet back both my actions & my expectations. Thank you, Beth, Alaina, Donna, & Chantel for helping me move forward while I could.
ReplyDeleteI will miss your posts also, but I want you to do what is right for you. I would like to at least stay in touch with you through email. I didn't know that you had joined Facebook? Are you on there now? I'd love to connect with you there if you'd like. Do what is best for you, and if what's best for you changes and you return to blog, well, we'll be here for you.
ReplyDeleteLori,I'll gladly stay in touch via email. I'd not want to "leave" you while Thomas is ill, even though, thankfully, he's been doing mostly well.
DeleteYou must do what you feel is best for you. I find that I can write more on a blog than on Facebook, but that's just my experience. See you around on the WWW.
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